Darkness in my Eyes
by Thalia Snape
Summary: One word and his love has left him forever. That's what he thought. But then Lily suddenly starts forgiving Severus Snape again. But there's one condition and Sev suddenly isn't sure if that's the Lily he fell in love with.
1. Goodbye Heaven

This is my first fanfiction. It just came to me while I was drawing some fanart and it didn't let me go so I decided to write it down and share it with you. My muse is helping me with the story line so if anything bad happens to a charackter you like, IT'S NOT ALL MY FAULT! IT'S MY MUSE!

Disclaimer: I don't own Sev or Lily or Hogwarts or anything else. It all belongs to good old J.K!

**Darkness in my eyes by Thalia Snape**

**1) Goodbye Heaven**

The sun was burning hot as the last day of school arrived. Students and teachers equally spread an energy that even got grumpy old Professor Wildoon to stop looking like someone had just died. Laughter was heart everywhere and four well-known sixth years were jumping into the lake, letting out shrieks as they felt the coldness of the water. Some other students were laughing at them and were immediately punished for it by a huge wave, created by one of the sixth years. They were running away screaming and laughing at the same time.

A sad face watched this scene from the library window, shoulder long black hair shadowing his eyes. His luggage was right behind him, neatly packed as always. Unlike the other students he still wore his school uniform, green and silver for the colour of his house. His hands were holding on to a rather battered looking book. "Advanced Potion Making" was written on it in silver letters. He clung to it like it was the most precious thing he owned. He stood there silently, not moving even the slightest bit, like a statue, till a soft voice called his name.

"Sev! Severus! Hey, are you alright?"

The boy turned his pale face in her direction. His black eyes lit up when they met green ones. "I'm – I'm alright." He said, snapping out of his daydreaming. "Is it already time to go?"

She looked at him with sadness in her eyes he hated. It was almost like she pitied him like all the others did but he knew she didn't. He knew she understands. They knew each other for so long, seven or eight years by now, and she knew exactly what happens to him when he's at home. She is his escape, her house his only save shelter during the summer holidays. She tried to convince him to tell someone about his parents but he refused. They were his parents after all and he won't show weakness! As the ginger-haired girl in front of him started to talk again, he knew exactly what was coming and cut her off before she could even start.

"No! Don't!", the boy said roughly, his eyes darkening. Just a moment later his face got softer again. "Please." He added, looking directly in the girls eyes, telling her silently to change the subject.

The girl looked at him seriousely for a moment longer than a smile crept on her face and she held out a hand in his direction. He took it shyly and covered it with his long fingers.

"Yes, it's time and everything is going to be alright. I promise." With that she pressed a small kiss on his cheek, having to stand on her toes to reach the tall boys face, before he got his luggage and they walked through the beloved castle for the last time for two month.

**Authors note:**

Short but it's only the beginning. Hehehehe. It's going to get better and better! Hope you like it and hope you'll keep on reading (If not I'll hex you! No, just kidding... I'm a Slytherin but I'm not evil. Well, sometimes I am but just to other evil ones :D )


	2. Welcome Hell

5 NEW PAGES! IN 2 DAYS! I'M SO TOTALLY AWESOME! I guess I won't always be that fast but school is really boring at the moment so I got looots of time!

I love this chapter! Some angst, a beating, a bit of broken charackter and LilyxSnape Feelings! What else does a good chapter need?!

And Voldemort's here! Hehehe, there'll be more of him in the fifth chapter or something so look forward to it! Enjoy reading:

Darkness in my eyes by Thalia Snape

**Welcome Hell!**

He didn't make a sound as the hand came down on his back again. He never did, he learned his lesson after his first beatings. Crying or screaming will just make it worse. Instead he tries to think of something else, to separate his mind form his body and the burning pain that shot through his back as his father kept hitting the same spot again and again.

A red-headed girl crossed his mind and he held on to the picture, wishing she would take the pain away as she always did, when she was with him. He could hear her words in his mind "I'll be there for you, always!".

Another stroke from his father.

He concentrated on her laughter. It was golden, sounded like a sunrise, a beginning of another day, another world, better than this one.

His father pushed him to the floor.

Her smile. Beautiful like nothing else he has ever seen. He loved it when she gave him these little smiles during a lesson when they couldn't sit next to each other.

Pain shot through him as the man above him started kicking him in the side. He shouted something but Severus couldn't hear him over the pain.

Lily, he told himself, think of Lily! Her eyes, green like the fresh grass on the meadow they first met. Full of life, always curious with a bit of a cheeky glint in them. The perfect contrast to his black ones.

He could hear his mother screaming now, telling his father to stop. But he didn't. Another kick, then hands grabbing him on his shirt, pulling him up. He was shoved against a wall and his father's face was just a few centimetres from his own. He could see the hate in the eyes of the man, he is supposed to call father. He didn't know what he had ever done to deserve it but he knew he could never get it right again.

"Don't ever talk about your freak-school again!", his father hissed. Severus nodded carefully, causing pain to shoot through his body immediately. A slap made his head fall to the right brutally. Then he crashed to the floor as his father let go of him and stomped away.

There was silence. The bruised boy was leaning crouched against the wall, too weak to get up. There was blood coming out of a small wound on his left side, wetting his shirt. The boy didn't care. His hair fell in front of his face like a curtain, not allowing anyone to see his face. Not that anyone was there. He was alone. Sitting in the darkness. He didn't cry. He didn't scream. He just sat there, breathing in the dusty air, hardly feeling the pain on the side where he got kicked. Instead he felt anger, black, hot burning anger. Anger against his father, who gave him beating for fun, his mother, who never did a thing to protect him and against himself, for being too proud to tell anyone about it. This anger told him to defend himself, to fight back, to hurt his father the same way he hurt him. Everything screamed to hurt him, even to kill him! Severus could keep it under control, for now. But it got stronger, with every slap, every stroke, every kick he got, he could feel how he got angrier and he didn't know how long he was able to fight it down.

"It can't go on like that, Sev! He's going to kill you one day!"

They were sitting on the meadow behind Lily's house, the girl bandaging Severus' bruises. He went to her as soon as he had enough energy to get up and away from the hell of his house. She had let out a scream as she had seen him, bleeding and in pain in front of her house. Instead of asking questions she had instantly gotten her first-aid kid and he had followed her behind her house. His mood got better the moment he saw her, and he enjoyed the girl's concern for him.

"I mean it, Sev! Please, get help. Do it for me. I can't watch you beaten and bruised every day. It breaks my heart!"

Severus closed his eyes. He knew this conversation. They had it every day and though he would do almost everything for her, he just couldn't do this.

"I can't" he said, his tone determined but soft. "You know why."

"He's not your father! Maybe he's your blood but that doesn't mean anything! This is about your life, Severus, so don't tell me this crap about he's your family and you can't leave your mother alone because that's what she's doing all the time!" Her voice raise and she was nearly shouting at the end, her eyes desperate and angry. As Severus didn't react, just kept looking straight ahead, no emotions on his face, her voice got softer again.

"You know I always just want the best for you! I understand that it's not easy but you have to let go!"

At that the young man turned towards her, face disbelieving.

"You understand? _You_ understand? Ha, do you really think you understand just the slightest bit of how I'm feeling? You've got a nice family! You've got a nice house! You've got parents that love you, grandparents that love you, a cat that adores you. You've got everything! So don't tell me you know how it feels to be hated by your own parents, by almost the whole school, having no money to buy new clothes and leaving in constant fear of the Dark Lord because he either kills or turns all the Slytherins into Deatheaters."

Severus had jumped up during this speech but now he sacked back down like all the energy his anger had given him had drained out of him. He turned his face away from Lily, embarrassed that he had lost control. He hadn't wanted to shout at her. She was the only person who had ever made him feel good and he shouted at her. There was a long silence and Severus already feared that she had left him when Lily carefully touched his shoulder. When he didn't shove her back, she gently rapped her arms around him, laying her head on his shoulder. He shivered slightly as he felt her body so close to his. He could feel her warm breath on his neck. Her slow breathing calmed him down and her arms around him gave him a protected feeling. He didn't feel weak, he felt save. Like nothing could harm him, nothing could go wrong just as long as she was there.

"Stir it just three times before putting in the Lionfish Spine. It will increase the effect."

"But the book says five times. You can't just change it! It was written by well-known potion masters."

"Come on, Lily. You know my potion mark and I never did a potion as it's written in these poorly-written books. Just trust me on this one."

The girl looked at him sceptical but did as she was told, her face showing her disgust as she took the Lionfish Spine and put it in the small pot in front of her. The potion immediately turned to a dark blue. She looked up and saw Severus smiling playfully down at her.

"What did I tell you? Bluer than it would have ever gotten your way."

She hit him lightly, grinning at her foolishness of not believing him. He was the one who always corrected their teacher, made better potions than anyone and read about them whenever he found a book he hadn't read before.

"Your turn to learn something new." She said, after filling the potion into small vessels, putting out the fire over the fireplace and putting the pot away. "I saw some of your own spells written in your potion book. I think I don't have to mention that you should never use them on anyone but if you do, I want them to at least sound nice."

Severus chuckled. He really had a bad influence on the girl! He sat down opposite of her and looked at the words she had written on a plain sheet of paper.

"You don't always have to use the whole words for a spell." The girl began. "Instead of _Detrapellam Cupis_ say _Detrapelpis_. Shorter, more effective in a fight and not so easy to say it wrong. _Somnus extemplus_ just say _Exsomnus_. It has the same effect because if you look at the real meaning of the words..."

Severus looked at her fascinated as she explained to him the theory of spell-making. In contrast to his spells, that just consist of words that work the way he wants them to, she always tried to make them look beautiful, sound beautiful, use easy and fast. Spells are the same to her that potions are to him.

They were just looking at their new History-book which they already got at the end of the school year when there was a knock on the door.

"Supper will be ready in five minutes. Can you please come down and help set the table, darling?"

"Coming!"

"You want to stay for supper too, Severus, dear?"

"If that's no trouble, I'd love to, Mrs. Evans."

"Of course not, you know that! Now come on down."

Mr. Evans wasn't home and Petunia had already moved out so it was just the three of them at supper. They ate chicken pot pie and some pudding as dessert. It was delicious as always. There was silence; just the sound of the forks hitting the plates was heart. Severus didn't know what to say. Mrs. Evans was like his second, his only real, mother to him but he was never good at starting a conversation. Instead he enjoyed the sensation of self-made, warm food. He hardly got anything of that at home. Not that he ate there very often. Severus was staying at Lily's for most of the days. He sneaked out of his house whenever possible.

One month of summer had passed already and Severus did the best he could to please his parents. He didn't complain about anything, he just talked when he is asked and he just showed his face when they needed anything. He didn't get away without more beatings nevertheless. Whenever his father had gotten bored or angry, he had let it out on his son. The bruises of the first beating this summer had healed and the only things remaining were small light scars. He tried to cover all his scars up with long-sleeved T-shirts but of course Lily knew of them.

"I'm sorry to bring this up on the table but I think you are interested in this: Another town has been found destroyed, burned down like the other one two weeks ago. In Scotland again, just a few miles away from the first one. About 50 Muggles dead, others missing or hurt. He's far away but he's not resting, as some wizards believe."

Mrs. Evans looked at us sadly. She always read the Daily Prophet, so that she could get some information on the world her daughter lives in. Especially since a wizard called Lord Voldemort gained power and terrorizes the country.

"The ministry will catch him eventually"

"You think? They didn't do too much till now."

"I think there has to be one wizard who has to duel him."

They looked at him confused.

"How should one wizard be able to fight against him? He's much too strong!"

"He's still just a wizard. Powerful but just a man. Don't you understand? As long as we're in a battle, he got his Deatheaters to protect him. But if someone would challenge him face to face he would be too noble to say no or to cheat. It would be a fight to the death. I just don't know a wizard strong enough to fight him."

There was silence once more. Then Mrs. Evans smiled and said "As long as you don't do an insane thing like that." Before taking their plates and ending the conversation.

Lily accompanied Severus as he walked back to his house, saying good night two corners before it came into sight. She promised him to stay home so he could come over whenever he'd like on the next day before she started walking back home through the night.

Severus kept standing there for some minutes, thinking of what'd expect them when Lord Voldemort would come back to London. Maybe there'll be a wizard standing up to him before that could happen. Or the ministry is really able to stop him. They can't lose hope.

He sighed and started heading towards his house, preparing himself for the shouting of his parents, thinking of the next day, when he could be with Lily again.

Author's note:

TADAAAA! Beautiful, isn't it! *Sigh* Now I have to start the next one. Small Preview: Diagon Alley :)

Review if there's anything you want to tell me, and if now, review anyway and just talk random stuff! I love random stuff!


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